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We got some 3D Sex and Zen up in the hizzouse! Actually, you probably will have to settle for the 2D version at home unless you buy one of those super-expensive TVs and enjoy sitting around the house wearing goofy glasses. 3D sucks, but 3D Hong Kong Cat III movies…maybe that won’t suck…as much. Stephen Shiu’s previously announced 3D Sex and Zen remake/not-really-as-the-source-material-is-public-domain (now titled 3D Sex and Zen: Extreme Ecstasy) is shooting now and it has plenty of Japanese actresses. In this Hong Kong film. Oh, you didn’t know that Japanese actresses is how most of the nudity in Hong Kong film is done? Well, it is! You see, the Hong Kong entertainment industry has some sort of bias against actresses that appear naked, and it is hard for women who have been nude to go on to legitimate film careers. That’s why certain actresses will appear almost nude but with certain things strategically covered in film after film after film. Because that extra quarter of an inch is the end of their careers. The whole thing is hilarious when contrasted with the Edison Chen scandal that revealed all these famous people are humping like rabbits, just like in America and everywhere else.
But enough about that, let’s see who’s in this thing! Cast photos shamelessly stolen from the HKMDB News:
We’ll be sure to catch this on DVD where the 3D effects will look weird and awkward in 2D! Popularity: 1% [?] Seriously, he looks dreadful now! And his former model wife also looks just awful. They look like they stretched like 1 square inch of skin to cover their entire bodies. You might remember that producer Sandy Frank was the American distributor of a lot of the MST3K films that were from Japan, including the Gamera films, Time of the Apes, the forklift one, and that one with some guy named Atari in it. But, because they were mean to poor Mr. Frank, Sandy Frank won’t release the rights of the American prints so the episodes can be released. So we just download them and watch them for free instead. Suck on that, Mr. Frank. Uh…I totally never did that, officer!
In any event, the 81 year old Sandy Frank was cheating on his 57 year old current wife Brenda Frank (that’s an image I did not want to picture) and the resulting fight meant the Franks were tossing drinking glasses at each other. It looks like Brenda Frank caught one upon her forehead. Domestic violence is never the answer, folks! In any event, it is now divorce city for the Franks, maybe that will be what is needed for Mr. Frank to finally give in and let us have the MST3K episodes we so desperately want. Here’s hoping the prenup gets tossed!  The most flattering images I could find... Popularity: 1% [?] Because when you think of the Terminator, you think of cartoons and minimum violence. Maybe the CGI Governator will be driving around with a cap gun. Maybe Skynet will be like Cobra in the GI Joe cartoons and do wacky schemes to try to take over the world via hypnosis or shady real estate deals. All done out of a computer-shaped secret island volcano base. And I will bet you real money that this film will get released in 3D.
 I'll be bawk bawk bawk! Terminator 3000
EDIT: Oh, SNAP! Cease and desist action on this CGi cartoon! We got us a lawsuit fight over who is the real Terminator owner! Popularity: 1% [?] Bangladesh is becoming the new Turkey. We got Banglar King Kong, and now Banglar Hulk. Just waiting for Banglar Star Wars, as it will be the greatest movie of all time. Sohel Afgani Rana directs this. Popularity: 1% [?] Reefer Madness! As in, RiffTrax Live: Reefer Madness! Okay, enough with the madness stuff! So August 19th is the day the RiffTrax dudes (Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy, and Bill Corbett) are going to be in theaters doing a live event broadcast across the country and even in subterranean molemen caves, but only those that have the expensive digital projection system (sorry, analog molemen cave dwellers… :( ) And I’ll be there in the theaters watching, because sitting in seats and watching things is what I do best. If you are in San Fran and see me at the theater, I’ll be the guy ignoring your frantic waving, as I’m cool like that. So I already have the Legend DVD with the colorized version of Reefer Madness and Mike Nelson commentary. And I have the Three-Riffers edition of Reefer Madness that has Mike, Kevin, and Bill giving commentary. And now I’m seeing it in the theaters. But at least many of the jokes will be new! And there is also some contest about entering your own jokes, but I usually shy away from that as user-generated jokes can be a problem at times (see the RiffTrax of Batman and Robin which is almost entirely user-generated – it’s not that good.) But this will be cool and I will be watching it and maybe I’ll even enter that contest for the iPad if I stop being lazy. Here is some email the RiffTrax press dude sent me, but since I was going anyway it doesn’t matter and I’m just including it to bulk up the text of the article for more Google search term matching goodness. It’s called efficient laziness.
Popularity: 1% [?] The Hills Have Thighs. Cleavagefield. Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes. These films and many more are part of the proud tradition of softcore films with parody titles. But there is a problem is parody title land! James “Bubba” Cromer is a guy who made a film called The Hills Have Thighs that is some sort of lame comedy film, and he saw a listing for “The Hills Have Thighs” and Cieimax at 1:30 AM. Now, only a moron doesn’t know what kind of films are airing at 1:30 AM on Cinemax, and those films rarely feature people wearing clothes. Needless to say, Cromer was in for a shock as this was not his “Thighs” but the softcore one shot by Jim Wynorski. Like any sane person, Cromer hired a lawyer and decided to sue for “extreme humiliation, mortification and emotional distress.” What a moron. Cromer’s idiot decision has also caused the latest crop of Bikini films that Fred Olen Ray is planning to have some title trouble, as the studios are now rejecting every parody title film offered to them over the title alone. Now, Fred Olen Ray can rename the films whatever he wants on the DVD releases (and often does), but to get them on Cinemax he has to struggle to get titles approved (which is proving harder than you would think, and titles he thinks they’ll reject are getting put through, while safer titles are being send back, sometimes after being approved) Jim Wynorski has also lost sales of Paraknockers Activity based on the title. Basically, things are a mess, and it is all Cromer’s fault because he is a giant baby. Maybe you shouldn’t have put a pun in your film title that was old when Mad Magazine used it in their James Bond parodies! But the good news is we are getting four new Bikini films for next year, which is great and I haven’t even gotten around to seeing the five that came out this year! As an aside, FOR made a film called Hybrid years ago, and SyFy also has an original movie called Hybrid, that whenever it airs uses the description of Ray’s film in place of the newer one. So, SyFy, you are on notice! Popularity: 1% [?] |
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