2009 Razzies

The 2009 golden Raspberry Awards (their 30th Anniversary year) has been posted. The regular nominations are just another blast at low hanging fruit, but the real fun is the worst of the decade nominations. And kudos to the Razzies for not doing like the Oscars and nominating everything that moves for Best (Worst) Picture. 2009 was an awful year for film, with only a few bright spots mixed between a lot of terrible trash and downright nuclear garbage.

Worst Picture of 2009
All About Steve
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Land of The Lost
Old Dogs
Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen (AKA TRANNIES, TOO)
Wow, Trannies, Too? Way to make jokes I made when I was 6! Although I don’t think GI Joe was absolutely awful (it was just stupid), Transformers 2 is above and beyond the worst thing released last year. It should be an easy winner.

Worst Actor of 2009
All Three Jonas Brothers – JONAS BROTHERS: THE 3-D CONCERT EXPERIENCE
Will Ferrell – LAND OF THE LOST
Steve Martin – PINK PANTHER 2
Eddie Murphy – IMAGINE THAT
John Travolta – OLD DOGS
I guess the stab at the Jonas Brothers is an attempt for the Razzies to try to stay relevant. Except it fails and just looks desperate. I can’t imagine who will win this one, so I’m voting for Steve Martin.

Worst Actress of 2009
Beyonce – OBSESSED
Sandra Bullock – ALL ABOUT STEVE
Miley Cyrus – HANNAH MONTANA: THE MOVIE
Megan Fox – JENNIFER’S BODY AND TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN
Sarah Jessica Parker – DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE MORGANS?
Bullock manages to get an Oscar nom and a Razzie nom in the same week. She also said she’d go if she wins the Razzie. So as much as I would love to see that (I like good humor in people) Megan Fox will probably have this wrapped up. And Beyonce and Miley Cyrus are just more desperate relevance noms. Bleh.

Worst Supporting Actor of 2009
Billy Ray Cyrus – HANNAH MONTANA: THE MOVIE
Hugh Hefner (as Himself) – MISS MARCH
Robert Pattinson – TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON
Jorma Taccone (as Cha-Ka) – LAND OF THE LOST
Marlon Wayans – G.I. JOE
I haven’t seen some of these, but the winner will be Pattinson because he’s hip to hate now, though Billy Ray deserves it for whoring out his daughter as a giant cash cow.

Worst Supporting Actress of 2009
Candice Bergen – BRIDE WARS
Ali Larter – OBSESSED
Sienna Miller – G.I. JOE
Kelly Preston – OLD DOGS
Julie White (as Mom) – TRANNIES, TOO
Transformers 2 is awful, and Mom acting like she’s tripping on acid after eating a pot brownie is embarrassing.

Worst Screen Couple of 2009
Any Two (or More) Jonas Brothers – THE JONAS BROTHERS 3-D CONCERT EXPERIENCE
Sandra Bullock & Bradley Cooper – ALL ABOUT STEVE
Will Ferrell & Any Co-Star, Creature or “Comic Riff” – LAND OF THE LOST
Shia LaBeouf & EITHER Megan Fox OR Any Transformer – TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN
Kristen Stewart & EITHER Robert Pattinson OR Taylor Whatz-His-Fang – TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON
this is why Boolean string operators should not be writing awards nominations. What is with all the EITHER/OR crap? And the complete lack of the two racist Transformer brothers makes this category a joke.

Worst Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel (Combined Category for 2009)
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Land of The Lost
Pink Panther 2 (A RIP-OFF OF A SEQUEL TO A REMAKE)
Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen
Twilight Saga: New Moon
Transformers 2 deserves to win again, but New Moon might pull this out (even though it is better than the first one)

Worst Director of 2009
Michael Bay – TRANNIES, TOO
Walt Becker – OLD DOGS
Brad Silberling – LAND OF THE LOST
Stephen Sommers – G.I. JOE
Phil Traill – ALL ABOUT STEVE
Michael Bay, no contest.

Worst Screenplay of 2009
All About Steve – SCREENPLAY BY KIM BARKER
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra – SCREENPLAY BY STUART BEATTIE AND DAVID ELLIOT & PAUL LOVETT
Land of The Lost – WRITTEN BY CHRIS HENCHY & DENNIS MCNICHOLAS
Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen – WRITTEN BY EHREN KRUGER & ROBERTO ORCI & ALEX KURTZMAN
Twilight Saga: New Moon – SCREENPLAY BY MELISSA ROSENBERG
Kurtzman and Orci deserve to win, amazing how adding a third writer somehow made their writing worse!

Now the fun begins!

Worst Picture of the Decade
Battlefield Earth (2000)
NOMINATED FOR 10 RAZZIES® / “WINNER” OF 8
(INCLUDING WORST DRAMA OF OUR FIRST 25 YRS)
Freddy Got Fingered (2001)
NOMINATED FOR 9 RAZZIES® / “WINNER” OF 5
Gigli (2003)
NOMINATED FOR 10 RAZZIES® / “WINNER” OF 7
(INCLUDING WORST COMEDY OF OUR FIRST 25 YRS)
I Know Who Killed Me (2007)
NOMINATED FOR 9 RAZZIES® / “WINNER” OF 8
Swept Away (2002)
NOMINATED FOR 9 RAZZIES® / “WINNER” OF 5
Gigli already got a special award, so it should be out. But, we got a category where it is hard to pick a winner because they are all so awful. I have to put my money on Battlefield Earth because then the Razzies can stick it to everyone in Hollywood who worships Lord Xenu and Thetans.

Worst Actor of the Decade
Ben Affleck
NOMINATED FOR 9 “ACHIEVEMENTS,” “WINNER” OF 2 RAZZIES®
DAREDEVIL, GIGLI, JERSEY GIRL, PAYCHECK,
PEARL HARBOR, SURVIVING CHRISTMAS
Eddie Murphy
NOMINATED FOR 12 “ACHIEVEMENTS,” “WINNER” OF 3 RAZZIES®
ADVENTURES OF PLUTO NASH, I SPY, IMAGINE THAT,
MEET DAVE, NORBIT, SHOWTIME
Mike Myers
NOMINATED FOR 4 “ACHIEVEMENTS,” “WINNER” OF 2 RAZZIES®
CAT IN THE HAT, THE LOVE GURU
Rob Schneider
NOMINATED FOR 6 “ACHIEVEMENTS,” “WINNER” OF 1 RAZZIE®
THE ANIMAL, BENCHWARMERS, DEUCE BIGALO: EUROPEAN GIGOLO,
GRANDMA’S BOY, THE HOT CHICK,
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY, LITTLE MAN, LITTLE NICKY
John Travolta
NOMINATED FOR 6 “ACHIEVEMENTS,” “WINNER” OF 3 RAZZIES®
BATTLEFIELD EARTH, DOMESTIC DISTURBANCE, LUCKY NUMBERS,
OLD DOGS, SWORDFISH
Hating Ben Affleck seems passe at this point, so the award will probably go to Eddie Murphy, unless Rob Schneider’s Carrot movie opens soon…

Worst Actress of the Decade
Mariah Carey
THE SINGLE BIGGEST INDIVIDUAL VOTE GETTER OF THE DECADE:
70+% OF ALL VOTES FOR WORST ACTRESS OF 2001
GLITTER
Paris Hilton
NOMINATED FOR 5 “ACHIEVEMENTS,” “WINNER” OF 4 RAZZIES®
THE HOTTIE & THE NOTTIE, HOUSE OF WHACKS, REPO: THE GENETIC OPERA
Lindsay Lohan
NOMINATED FOR 5 “ACHIEVEMENTS,” “WINNER” OF 3 RAZZIES®
HERBIE FULLY LOADED, I KNOW WHO KILLED ME, JUST MY LUCK
Jennifer Lopez
NOMINATED FOR 9 “ACHIEVEMENTS,” “WINNER” OF 2 RAZZIES®
ANGEL EYES, ENOUGH, GIGLI, JERSEY GIRL, MAID IN MANHATTAN,
MONSTER-IN-LAW, THE WEDDING PLANNER
Madonna
NOMINATED FOR 6 “ACHIEVEMENTS,”“WINNER” OF 4 RAZZIES®
DIE ANOTHER DAY, THE NEXT BEST THING, SWEPT AWAY
Hmmm… The Razzies love to hate on Madonna (but she’s done nothing at all lately), Lindsay, and Paris. As J-Lo, Paris, and Mariah have sort of disappeared from the movie star land lately, Lindsay Lohan will probably snag this one.

Well, we shall see who wins and who doesn’t. Maybe I’ll bother to try to vote this year, but probably not.

2008 Official Razzie Nominations

Well, we posted the internal nomination list, now here is the official final draft. Again, I am not impressed. It took them years to figure out Uwe Boll, and now they are trying to act like they found the next big thing with their special award. Whatever, losers.

WORST PICTURE
Disaster Movie AND Meet the Spartans (“Two Movies- One Berry Badly Beaten Dead Horse of a Concept!”)
The Happening
The Hottie and the Nottie
In the Name of the King
The Love Guru

WORST ACTOR
Larry the Cable Guy- Witless Protection
Eddie Murphy- Meet Dave
Mike Myers- The Love Guru
Al Pacino- 88 Minutes and Righteous Kill
Mark Wahlberg- The Happening and Max Payne

WORST ACTRESS
Jessica Alba- The Eye and The Love Guru
Annette Bening, Eva Mendes, Debra Messing, Jada Pinkett-Smith and Meg Ryan- The Women
Cameron Diaz- What Happens in Vegas
Paris Hilton- The Hottie and the Nottie
Kate Hudson- Fool’s Gold and My Best Friends Girl

WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Uwe Boll (as Uwe Boll)- Postal
Pierce Brosnan- Mamma Mia!
Ben Kingsley- The Love Guru and War, Inc. and The Wackness
Burt Reynolds- Deal and In the Name of the King
Verne Troyer- The Love Guru and Postal

WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Carmen Electra- Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans
Paris Hilton- Repo: The Genetic Opera
Kim Kardashian- Disaster Movie
Jenny McCarthy- Witless Protection
Leelee Sobieski- 88 Minutes and In the Name of the King

WORST SCREEN COUPLE
Uwe Boll & Any Actor, Camera, or Screenplay
Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher- What Happens in Vegas
Paris Hilton and either Christine Lakin or Joel David Moore- The Hottie and the Nottie
Larry the Cable Guy and Jenny McCarthy- Witless Protection
Eddie Murphy IN Eddie Murphy- Meet Dave

WORSE PREQUEL, REMAKE, RIP-OFF, OR SEQUEL
The Day the Earth Stood Still (referred to by the Razzies as “The Day the Earth Blowed Up Real Good”)
Disaster Movie AND Meet the Spartans
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Speed Racer
Star Wars: The Clone Wars

WORST DIRECTOR
Uwe Boll- 1968: Tunnel Rats and In the Name of the King and Postal
Jason Freidberg and Aaron Seltzer- Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans
Tom Putnam- The Hottie and the Nottie
Marco Schabnel- The Love Guru
M. Night Shyamalan- The Happening

WORST SCREENPLAY
Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer
The Happening by M. Night Shyamalan
The Hottie and the Nottie by Heidi Ferrer
In the Name of the King by Doug Taylor
The Love Guru by Mike Myers and Graham Gordy

SPECIAL WORST CAREER ACHIEVEMENT AWARD: Uwe Boll- Germany’s answer to Ed Wood